Hey Overly Emotional Girl, Hey!
I am emotional AF.
(I asked Michael what the first sentence to this post should be and I couldn’t agree with him more.)
See, I was under the impression that the older you got, the more you mentally, physically, emotionally, have it all together.
The past three years have internally been the most challenging and eye-opening ones yet.
I’ve always been an “emotional” person - but recently, my emotions have surfaced more than ever.
And I’m not judging them for popping up. Because in the past three years a lot has happened…
I moved to a new city/state.
I found a best friend (along with her two little girls).
I met (hung-out with / walked away from / got to know the real / became best friends with / fell in love with) Michael.
I worked at two different corporate jobs and got to network with some crazy cool people.
Not exactly. Because emotionally, I was all over the place.
Now, as a (cautious) people pleaser, I’ve always put everyone else’s needs in front of my own (shout-out to all you who feel me) and take everything personally when it has to to do with friends, family, jobs, etc.
When I first moved, I was constantly thinking what people first thought of me, since no one truly knew who I was or what I was about.
A couple months into my new adventure in Minnesota, I had added new friends to my already amazing list, which, in turn, pissed off friends who had been in my life for years prior (no worries, we’re all friends now - obviously). I also found a graphic design position at a company that allowed me to be creative AND was really fun, (seriously, during my time there I even got to follow Thomas Rhett around the country while he was on tour - humble brag, but that’s what I mean by REALLY fun).
I sincerely enjoyed my day-to-day, but deep down I was constantly stressed out about pleasing my coworkers, contributing to family events, loving on my amazing friends, and trying to figure out if Michael actually liked me or just really liked hanging out and watching sports together
(lol, but actually).
I put so much pressure on myself that I would end up crying for the weirdest/lamest reasons. At one point, the stress got to be so overwhelming that I would have to puke in the bathroom at work just to get the knots out of my stomach. It was the only way my body knew how to release the stress. Coworkers (who I considered friends at the time) giggled behind my back when I got stressed out (aka emotional), and as much as I wish I could just toughen up and not show it, I don’t know how.
I would (and sometimes still) wonder why I felt everything so deep - it had me super confused and slightly annoyed with myself.
It’s a blessing and curse, because as much as I want to change certain ways I express my emotions, I’m also pretty proud of myself for being able to be easily vulnerable with people I barely know, connect with clients on a deeper level, and showcase my creative nature in a more thoughtful way.
**Pats self on back**
Whether it’s crying laughter after a night out with my roommate (followed by more laughter when we find our mac and cheese pizza slices lying on the floor by the elevator the next morning), or swearing at Siri when she can’t understand what the hell I’m saying (and I need directions NOW), or over-complaining when I have a major headache (because I apparently think that if I tell everyone how much it hurts it’ll magically go away) — No matter the situation, I fully express what I’m feeling in that moment.
A small number of you are maybe thinking, “Yes, this is exactly how I am.” (in which to you I say- let’s hang gf). while another group of you are lovingly and knowledgeably preaching, “Girl, the power lies within you. You decide how you feel.” (and to you I say- you’re amazing, give me your brain).
However, just to be clear, I’m not saying that people shouldn’t feel or what I was feeling was wrong. I’m just (openly and internally) admitting that I’m still learning how to deal with my own (damn) emotions. Because:
1. That’s ok.
2. addressing it helps me embrace it.
So, in conclusion (and now that you’ve scrolled through a bunch of pictures of me from a photoshoot I dedicated to myself earlier this year)….
I’m still emotionally all over the place -